Orpheus Descending

"breathe" the fine soothsayer says. so i suck in air that can suck life out of a crocodile. yes, i know. i’ll probably gonna do a couple of it, ‘need’  a couple or more. suck in air, suck in fear. i can picture the entire procedure in my head and it made everything twice as hard no matter how i fan it out. Dear god it’s gonna hurt like hell. . . for someone who’s inconveniently faced with such predicament for almost a year what’s an hour’s worth of anguish than to suffer to an extent? no need to romanticize. it’s just a freakin ingrown.  good ol’ dr. Love (amores) will have to take the damned thing off and . and what? I dunno. wait for it to grow again. that easy huh? to be honest i dread this day like one would on a deathrow. slow . . . suffocating death. just breathe . . ease up. whatever does not kill you makes you stronger.  smart talk. you coward. the moment dr. love plunged the syringe down the area, i thought i’d pass out. it would’ve been more convenient. you know, to loose consciousness deliberately so i won’t have to witness, no wait, feel every horrid detail of the operation. i am not that tough you know. was never in any given circumstances. i know i can ‘talk’ my way out of an outrageously inane conversation. there’s no way i can ‘walk’ my way out of this one now. this baby’s gotta go. surrender. surrender to the minute yet tormenting pain of a needle prick, the extraction, the phobia it incurs. i won’t die although it almost felt like it. my sister, looking twice as scared as i am, is watching me die. despite the situation i was in i still have the nerve to stick my tongue out to her. happy birthday to my little soothsayer tonet who helped me conquer my fear. "think happy thoughts"– a desperate attempt to detach from the situation. . . think hard . . toenail in visual obscurity, looking dead, ravaged and bloody . . no it does not help. . .archy that verse libre poet that transmigated into a cockroach and mehitabel the cleopatra incarnate. it was painful in my head! it always makes things worse you know, thinking hard about it. the moment the doctor loosened the torniquet i know i survived death. funny. ha-ha. i took the extracted nail. that useless thing in my system that nearly killed me, or so I thought and cursed it hard. wotthehell.